The World in 2016
Donald trump was elected as the President of the United
States by the people of Russia, despite failing to win the popular vote in the
United States. The world was expecting it to be a Hillarious year, but trumped-up charges against the former
Secretary of State paved the way for the biggest political upset in the
history. The TV personality and a
business magnate, who claimed to have caught America by the same you-know what,
with which he claimed to have caught many American women, became the
President-erect of the country.
Trump got his hopes high, when he witnessed Brexit - an
ejaculation of Britain from the European Union, that many said was premature.
Michael Farage, who played a stellar role in encouraging Brexit, became Trump's
favorite as a candidate for Britain's ambassador to the United States, but was
stumped by a lack of vacancy in Washington.
Despite a more natural affiliation to Crimlin, Trump is
planning to move into the White House - his only complaint being that it is for
the first time in his life that he is moving into a house which does not bear
his name. Though he was happy that the name at least refers to one of his most
important feature.
In another referendum gone wrong, the Columbian public
voted against a peace deal ending decade old armed conflict with FARC rebels,
though the government managed to push in a piecemeal deal through the
parliament, and peace seems to be returning to the country by bits and pieces.
In France the ultra-right wing candidate, Marine Le Pen
proved that Pen is mightier than Swordkosy, as she moved to the second round of
the presidential contest and Sarkosy failed to move forward.
In the island nation of the Philippines Rodrigo Duterte
proved than blood is thicker than water, as he won the presidency on the
promise of killing criminals, which he proceeded to do after his win, in a drug
fueled and bloody frenzy.
While there was little evidence of human intelligence (at
least electoral intelligence) in 2016, it was a good year for artificial
intelligence, as deep- learning system AlphaGo proved itself to be a real “go-getter, beating a Korean
(considered human, if from South Korea) player Lee Sedol, 4-1.
Apple refused FBI directive to dig into the phone of the
terrorist Syed Farook by replacing iOS with GovOS, after which the government
agency hired Russian hackers to retrieve the required
information, a service the Russians provided free of charge, as a part of the
larger contract that they had won to subvert the American elections.
Students at an elementary school in Shanghai began the
spring semester by swinging golf clubs. The Experimental School of Foreign
Languages Affiliated with East China Normal University is the first public
elementary school in China to introduce golf as one of its compulsory courses.
All first and second-grade students are required to practice golf once a week.
When accused of introducing an elitist sport of the rich, the principal
dismissed the allegations. "Balls," he said, "we are just trying
to create a well rounded personality and ensuring that the children do not make
any right wing swings when they grow up."
A South African mayor has awarded college scholarships to
16 young women for remaining virgins. The young women who applied for the
scholarships will voluntarily stay virgins and agree to have regular virginity
tests to keep their funding. While some activists have called for the banning
of virginity testing in South Africa, describing it as sexist and invasive,
advocates say it preserves tradition and has been modernized to teach girls
about their reproductive health and HIV and AIDS. The scholarship triggered a
kind of virgin mania in the country, with scores of women trying to regain
their virginity.
China's two-child policy officially kicked off in 2016.
"Too little and too late", Goldman Sachs' macro research team wrote
after the announcement. "One may argue this move is too little and too
late ... but a broad based relaxation is surely better late than never and some
people still want to have more than one child but cannot," they said. Many
older Chinese women, who became eligible to have a second child felt that the
move may or may not be "too little and too late", but the real
problem likely to prevent them from having a second child, in fact, is that
their husbands now are mostly "too little and too early".
Paris, the romance capital of the world, locked the new
lovers out, by banning the attaching of locks to city bridges, after a section
of Pont des Arts on the Seine river collapsed with the weight of the love
locks. The authorities said that they have to take this key measure with a
heavy heart and even heavier bridges.
In India, the year is ending with a lot of queueing and
froing, as Prime Minister Modi put the country on a relentless path towards a
cashless society. An objective poll conducted on the Modi app, which a base for
all his fans, suggested that a representative sample of Modi
lovers are firmly behind the move.
The Japanese PM, Shinzo Abe, visited Pearl Harbour to try
to make amends for the damage done by
the country's planes seventy five years ago, and Barack Obama visited
Hiroshima. Both the leaders expressed regret for what happened, but stopped
short of apologizing, reminding the world of
the lyrics of an Elton John song, " sorry seems to be the hardest
word".
On the technological front, good progress was made by
self-driving cars, one of them even exhibited a characteristic driver like
quality by killing a human.
On the business front, Bayer, the maker of Viagra, called
off its takeover bid of Allergan, the maker of Botox, sensing a conflict of
interest (the interest they would have to pay on the large loan required to
make the acquisition) and a realization that a mere Botox facelift will not
make the company any more potent.
At the Rio Olympics, Russia again proved it macho image,
as male DNA was found in the samples of Russian female athletes. Two Indian
female athletes, with pure female DNA, won the only two medals for the country
of 1.3 billion people, putting it at the 67th position at the Rio Olympics,
tied with Mongolia, with a population of 4 million. India may consider
disguising female athletes as males to improve its chances at the next Olympics.
"Times they are a-changing," crooned Bob Dylan
fifty years ago, and another big change came in 2016, when the song writer was
awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature. However, George Michael, Prince, David
Bowie and Leonard Cohen, all rested their instruments and vocal cords, and went
"Knockin' on heaven's doors", leaving their melodies "Blowing in
the wind".
Oxford English Dictionary declared "post truth"
to be the word of the year, and Merriam Webster, announced the word that
captured the sentiment of the year to be "surreal". They later denied
that they ever made any such declarations, pronouncing the news as typical
post-truth surrealism which characterised the year.
Some of what is reported above may be fake news,
particularly if it appeared on Facebook.
Mark Zuckerberg, the founder of the social media website, remarked in a
posthumous statement that he does not have any intention to rename Facebook as
Fakebook.
Written by Ashok Sethi
Ashok.sethi@hotmail.com